Laxity Killed the Matt

I’ve told this little anecdote to a few of you, but this one is amusing enough for the masses to enjoy…

Day # 4 in the life of Matt Francisco, red-bearded misanthrope and substitute teacher extraordinaire- I… am not a very good substitute teacher. It’s astounding. I mean, being a sub is easy, almost comically so... and yet, well… Mrs. Beenkin was supposed to arrive back at Mt. Brook Jr. High at 1130. The clock read 1110 as I prepared the fourth period English class to move en masse to the library to further develop their “character sketches.” Now, I know I tend to be a wee bit too relaxed in my authority, but what happened was nothing short of the work of Loki, laughing at my plight.

As one seventh grader reached for and proceeded to throw a plush football to another near the door and whiteboard, summarily knocking down a poster while colliding into the rowdy crew of 17 gathering near the doorframe, Mrs. Beenkin entered, ten minutes early, eyes blood-red with rage, just in time to be struck by a poster and a student.

“What are you doing!? Obviously not what I asked you to be doing?” shrieked Mrs. Beenkin as flames of fury flew from her nostrils and consumed three smallish girls.

“I, uh… was just about to take them to the library… and…”

“NOT LIKE THAT YOU WEREN’T!” erupted Mrs. Beenkin, whose horns began to protrude from her skull and whose eyes began to narrow as the Serpent’s. “I’ll take over from here. Now be gone before I devour your soul, mortal!”

Slowly, awkwardly, I gathered my things before I fled, frightened that my days substituting at MBJH were not only numbered, but likely terminated… Thankfully, thanks to my mother, apology letters from students, and a remorseful phone call from Mrs. Beenkin, I am still able to ruin children’s lives each and every day! ; )